filmageddon

The crapfest just keeps on coming! After the mostly dissapointing movies during the horrorfest I decided to rent The Omen (2006) hoping for a good remake* and I feel like beating someone to death. This movie was so bad , it was dull, tedious and uninspired. Liev Schreiber was as usual horrible, the man ruined the Manchurian Candidate for chrissakes , why he's not bussing tables by now is beyond me. Julia Stiles puts on a passable performance as the mother of the spawn of Satan played by Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick who is only kinda creepy, the kid from Godsend would have been better, that creepy little bastard. I'm sick of bad remakes riding on their names , if I write a shit remake of Scanners can I be a writer director too? Please? I can churn out garbage scripts and use 'safe' camera tricks with the best of the worst hacks allowed to make movies today. You know where to find me Hollywood.

* What , it could happen.

More Starbucks Terrorizing

From 8 Films to Di...

Buy the Breakfast Blend!!!
These ladies know how to welcome the Horror Dudes! We had a blast taking fun photos like this one. Thanks, girls!!!

8 Films to Die For - Ranking

1) Unrest - Good solid movie (character development, plot, kill scenes).
2) Grave Dancers - Donny disagrees with most of the other Dudes of Horror. Although this was no masterpiece, was still an entertaining movie.
3) The Hamiltons - A much different and original perspective than other horror films.
4) Abandoned - Probably would have ranked higher, but Donny was asleep during the plot building portion of the movie.
5) Reincarnation - The reincarnated murderer and victims, just didn't seem all that interesting.
6) Wicked Little Things - Overall bland horror flick. Donny agrees with Jeff that this should have been an episode on Tales from the Crypt. (Donny wants his money back)
7) Dark Ride - Watch the movie up until the first decapitation scene and then go see a movie worth watching for a full 90 minutes. (Donny wants his money back)
8) Penny Dreadful - If you read this and still saw the movie Donny would be disappointed that you were not spared your time and money. (Donny wants his money back and wants to be payed for lost time)

Wicked Little Things

This film should have been a 30 minute "Tales From the Crypt" episode. It was essentially a lukewarm rehash of the "stumbling into a local legend that's real" category, which was much better done in films like "Pumpkinhead" that could afford the budget for creature effects and fill up the feature length with a little more substance than "teen girl goes on another date while mom finds more photos in basement."

It contained the girl falling down while being chased cliche, the flashlights only contain 5-year old batteries cliche, and the "local gruff character knows you're in danger but doesn't give you the scoop until much later" tired storytelling device.

It WAS cool to see zombie children hacking up annoying supporting characters, though. But I've done better horror make-up on Halloween with $2.00 clown kits.

And, no. You certainly know by now that there was nothing in this film that warranted incusion in a "too extreme for the Jackass staff" festival billing. And no nudity, for the pervs who want to know.

Watch it if someone else pays for the rental.

The Hamiltons

Here we have an interesting example of how the hype packaged with this film festival can leave a bad taste in the mouth of the filmgoer when the film is actually GOOD rather than abyssmal.

"The Hamiltons" is a solid flick- one of four films from this weekend that I'd gladly watch again. It has a new twist on an old story in the form of a different perspective- we get a sympathetic view of classic horror baddies filmed lovingly in naturally bright surroundings rather than post-production color filters simulating night.

We're treated to a palette of interesting characters acted out by competent performers rather than a stock template of cliched horror archetypes (see Penny Dreadful... wait, scratch that. DO NOT see Penny Dreadful!)

And we get to see one naked boob for a split second.

So if the film is so good, how can the hype be bad? Quite simply because despite being a worthy expenditure of your time, this film is not "too extreme" in any single category. Gore? Not too extreme. The "Kill Bill" movies are far worse. Sex? Not too extreme. Heavier topics are touched upon regularly on prime-time network television and E! Hollywood Entertainment certainly shows more skin than "The Hamiltons", nipple or no nipple. Language? Nope. Check out "The Big Lebowski" or any one of your movie-going friends.

Is this bad in and of itself? Certainly not. But when your sights are set high for extreme content by a heavy dose of bullshit from the After Dark marketing department, any film- good or bad- is going to leave you feeling a bit empty if the most racy scene involves slightly more than kissing and Karo Syrup.

See this film, dear readers. But don't believe the hype.

-Jeff, Dude of Horror

Delayed in Horrorville

From 8 Films to Di...

First of all: FUCK YOU CHEAPTICKETS.COM.

Donny and I arrived at the Denver International Airport for our return flight only to find out that cheakfuckfits.com mis-booked our return flight for a day later due to a website error. Here's why:

When you use the site to search for tickets, you enter in the date you wish to return. This is supposed to be... you guessed it... THE. DATE. YOU. WISH. TO. RETURN. Cheaptickets.com doesn't quite get this. They think you mean: the date you wish to begin to return, regardless of when you might actually arrive at your destination.

So when we chose to arrive back in Baltimore, MD on 11/20 on a redeye flight, cheaptickets misunderstood us to want to START to return to Baltimore, MD on 11/20 and actually arrive on 11/21. NO, NO, NO YOU FUCKS: NO!

So why, you may ask, did we not notice the departure and arrival dates of the return flight when we chose it? Because cheaptickets.com only lists ONE date on the website for your return flight: the date you chose to RETURN to the city you selected. So when we selected 11/20 to return back to Baltimore, the website showed us an itinerary for 11/20 indicating that we'd return at 5:25 in the morning, noting that it was an overnight flight departing at 11:55 pm. The obvious conclusion- SINCE WE CHOSE TO RETURN TO BALTIMORE ON NOVEMBER TWENTIETH- was that the departing flight would leave at 11:55 pm on 11/19 IN ORDER TO GET US BACK TO BALTIMORE ON THE DATE WE SELECTED.

That's not what "Andi" in customer service believes in logical.

"Sir, how can you expect to arrive in Baltimore at 5:25 am on 11/2o if your flight does not leave until 11:55 pm?"

BECAUSE YOUR WEBSITE FUCKING SAYS I CAN, BITCH!!! BECAUSE TWENTY MINUS ONE IS NINE-FUCKING-TEEN!!!

Or how about this gem from Andi:

"The website does not have a mind of its own."

Clearly, neither Andi nor Mark nor A.J. nor any other gene pool dropout at cheaptickets.com have a mind of their own. They read off scripts to their callers from their little customer service cheatsheets and justify the actions of every slasher movie villian who has ever been depicted on screen. Andi: fuck you. You truly deserve a slow, gory death.

After three hours of customer service hell, we received NO CUSTOMER SERVICE from cheaptickets.com. They didn't even offer us a fucking coupon, man.

-Jeff, Thoroughly Pissed Off Dude of Horror

Last Post Before the Plane

It's been one hell of a great day (thanks, Bunny!) and one hell of a great weekend (thanks Walter AND Bunny.) We've taken in the last two films of the festival, and neither were completely horrible; in fact, "The Hamiltons" was quite good. Lots of reviews to come tomorrow.

For now... here are some more friends we've met along the way:

This is Brandon. Brandon rocks out during the 8 Films to Die For festival in his "Evil Dead: The Musical" t-shirt. We met before the 6:00 of "Wicked Little Things" simply because of said shirt. ROCK ON!

From 8 Films to Di...

The Horror Dudes craved coffee and stopped by Starbucks. Here we found Giro, Horror Barista:

From 8 Films to Di...

And here she is with Andrew, who understandably wants a taste:

From 8 Films to Di...

Alright... we're off to the airport, fueled with caffeine and high on Bunny Boobs. See ya soon.

-Jeff, Dude of Horror