Twins of Evil

What timing! Karl has just posted his review of the second Karnstein Trilogy film, Lust for a Vampire, and here's my review of the final installment, Twins of Evil! It's almost like we planned this, man!

Until someone proves me wrong, this movie should be noted for offering the wimpiest portrayal of a vampire ever. Count Karnstein's character starts off on the right foot but just when you think he's about ready to summon up the forces of hell and make blood soup out of the local Quaker Oats Posse, he instead cowers behind a castle door in the best unintentionally comic horror pose I've seen to date.
As a vampire, Karnstein gets an F. Sesame Street's Count von Count is scarier.

Peter Cushing did a great job and stole the show during an unexpected decapitation scene. I didn't really appreciate seeing him cast in the same trilogy as a completely different character, though... and his costume was way too distracting.

Can you believe I haven't mentioned the Collinson Twins yet? You get one scene, containing several clips that will require you to become rather friendly with your DVD's pause button in order to fully appreciate them. It was a far cry from what I expected after the Vampire Lovers and what I have read about Lust for a Vampire. I can only hope that there's a more skintastic unedited version out there somewhere.

And if you think I wouldn't mind only seeing one identical twin get topless (they're both the same, right?) then you don't know me very well. Bad move, Hammer.

This film gets a .5 for all of the five Jeff categories except "Boos", which received a zero. It scored on laughs ("spews") only because of sufficient unintentional comedy (e.g. cushing in bad clothes, a burnt-at-the-stake scene around every corner, a laughable count with a mute bodyguard who plays charades, etc.) I let the decap scene carry the "Ewww" and the one scene of a gorgeous twin's twins carry the "boobs". Borrow or rent, but I wouldn't buy.