So yeah [she does that crazy little Eddie Izzard dance] that worked, and now I’m wasting valuable work time to bring you the story of Billy and his hatred (and/or hard-on) for sorority chicks.
Black Christmas (1974)
Having never seen A Christmas Story, it is my understanding that Bob Clark directed both movies, and Porky’s of all things, which seems a bit counterintuitive to me, regardless, I tarry on. One final note on Bob Clark -I was supremely disappointed that no one was dispatched with the trademark Leg Lamp, because that would have been genius.
The scene opens with a rockin’ holiday party at the sorority house and some guy climbing into the attic – how he got up there is anyone’s guess, I suppose Santa might have dropped him off – some of the girls who live at the house were presumably on the naughty list (what with one being a drunk and the other knocked up) and should have had their bags packed and expected a kickin’ (see: Sinterklaas – thank you David Sedaris, thank you). Regardless one comely-lass doing some last minute checking on her dry-cleaning becomes our first unwitting victim. Now why Billy drags her, dry-cleaning sack & all to the attic to rock-away her afterlife is a puzzler, but never mind that, Billy’s got a phone call to make.
Cut to a “telephone conversation” with who the girls refer to as the “Moaner.” Here’s the thing – I would have imagined that sorority chicks get a number of obscene phone calls and having listened to all of Billy’s calls that night – none of them sounded anything like I would call an obscene phone call.
We got to see a number of increasingly inventive killings –Margot Kidder impaled with a glass unicorn, and Mrs. MacHenry, our booze-hiding-in-every-possible-place-imagined gets a hook in the face whilst looking for her kitty being two of my favorites.
Their paranoia gets the better of them and the girls go to the cops (your typical dolt-like backwoods morons who much like Kellie Picker don’t know the definition of the word “fellatio”) and report the calls. Goober & Barney think it’s the boyfriend and have the phone tapped, meanwhile Billy kills again, the cops trace the call, and then dear readers, we get the money shot:
“The calls are coming from inside the house! Get out!”
A chase scene ensues, the boyfriend is killed, Barney & Goober confident the case is closed, leave the pregnant chick, upstairs sleeping off her bad day and fade to a ringing phone…
Did Billy strike again, you decide…
Posts
3 comments:
Wait... is "Fellatio" a country? I'm confused.
I think you got so excited using that word that you forgot to give the film a George Rating!
So how does Bob Clark "measure up" with this film?
Ah, there we go. 4 Georges! Wow! That's a pretty high rating!
Yeah, it's kind of like the island Lesbos. All kidding aside - when Officer Dolt was trying to figure out the phone number the prefix was "F" like Fellatio which Dolty didn't know the definition of.
Right - so 4 George's. Seriously, how many times do you see an old lady pulling a bottle of Jack out of the toilet.
Post a Comment