I have a sinking feeling that this post's title might aptly describe the 2007 After Dark Selections quite well. With good ol' Karl at my side, I took in three of the selections now that they have been released on DVD.
They largely sucked.
Why does the local bar stock a frying pan on Mulberry Street? If the answer is "to be prepared in the event that rat people unexpectedly attack our patrons" then how about stocking some cheese-scented guillotines or even a handy shotgun?
Why was the sound editor allowed to make the decision that rock songs and ominous you're-about-to-be-scared score selections should eclipse the impact of the actual scares being attempted? Why do I even care when this movie is nothing more than a failed attempt to ride the coat tails of 2004's Dawn of the Dead remake?
And we all know that if you want to improve an already great movie, you simply replace the key antagonists with crazed rat people. Casablanca didn't need Nazis... it needed more rats, damn it.
I like that the writer tried to get us involved with the individual characters before they all met and interacted to fend of the rat people... but it sure would have been nice if those characters did or said anything that I could- pardon the expression- give a rat's ass about.
5 Georges go to Karl for providing the actual entertainment during this viewing. When a character explained "They're Rat People! Fucking Rat People!" Karl replied "We need some Fucking Cat People! Fucking Cat People to chase out these Fucking Rat People!"
The Ghost of George was scurrying around nearby when this was said. George overheard Karl's comment, laughed his ghostly ass off, and left it for Mulberry St. to have as its rating.
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2 comments:
Boy, I'm glad I went out and did something domestic Sunday afternoon instead of hanging out and watching these [ahem] movies.
Yeah, and then (Ooo Laa Laa!) you go and review a movie from Fraaaance. Well la-ti-friggin-da! Pardon us peasants who can only afford to watch shitty no-titty After Dark films.
;P
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