7 Films To Die For on DVD

No, that's not a typo, man. They only released seven of the eight films because they knew my shit was right: Abandoned was the best film of the bunch. After Dark gave it a limited US release on February 23rd. It pulled in a whopping $1.2M... but that's $1.2M more than the other films made after the 8 Films festival was over!

Looking back, it seems that I either didn't review the film or I simply glossed over it. Uh.... sorry, man! I'll make sure I post a full review WHENEVER LION'S GATE RELEASES THE FUCKING DVD!!!

In the mean time I have three other DVDs to look at: "Unrest", "Reincarnation", and "The Hamiltons". I've already viewed Unrest again with Maud and I think she kinda dug it. It really does have a silly, weak ending- but it excels in skeeving out. That's the real draw of this film: being gross. It's not particularly gory or terribly scary... its claim to horror is that it makes you squirm and say "eeewwwww". Perhaps now that Maud has seen the film, she'll feel compelled to provide us her take on it.

What about the DVDs that I didn't buy? Well the only one that has any hope of taking my hard-earned $15 is "Gravedancers" simply so that I can play the Cheerwine drinking game (whenever you see the Cheerwine logo in the move- drink!) Can't really play that game with many movies, can you? (Please email me if you know of any more!)

"Wicked Litttle Things"? Please. We all know this movie should have been 15 minutes long and no more. Hell... with a little camp added it could have been a trailer shown during Grindhouse. Pass.

"Dark Ride"? You have GOT to be kidding me, man. There's no way I'd pay money to watch that ugly-ass redhead kid all grown up and wobbling around in a New Jersey fun house.

"Penny Dreadful"? I love you, Michael Berryman... and Mimi Rogers, your tits are great- but FUCK YOU Richard Brandes. Your film sucked sucked SUCKED and I'm boycotting all of your past and (snowball's chance in hell) future shitfests based solely on having to sit though this bullshit.

The Event

Ahh, Grindhouse, you can’t really sum it up with one word, although, a good start would be go see it. Yeah, it’s not one word, but if you’re a fan of the b-movie, then what the hell are you still sitting there for, get off your ass and buy a ticket (It’ll make the Weinstein’s happy, and hopefully prevent them from separating the movies…).

This isn’t so much a review as it is my feelings on the Event. Jeff, Donny or Carl can provide a review.

Spoilers abound, by the by:

Planet Terror:



- Most cringe worthy moment / moment I could identify with – Marley breaking her wrist by way of her insensible shoes (those who know the identity of the Jesus will know what I’m talking about);
- Should a zombie decide to gnaw on my leg; a machine gun replacement would be awesome (that is, if Patrick Duffy and his celery leg were not available);
- Freddy Rodriguez – wow. You’ve come a long way baby. (Was his name a nod to “El Ray” from Dusk till Dawn?)
- Boils, ew;
- Quentin’s drippy dick, eww, ewww, ewwww;
- The ending was kind of sappy.

Trailers:
- Yeah, I want every one of those “movies” to be made.

Death Proof:



- I was a bit concerned about the beginning, it did start a bit slow;
- Rose should never go blonde again;
- What was up with Butterfly’s nose;
- I loved the revisit of the crash (seriously, the flash back to the car running up her head!);
- Son #1 – I really dug all the nods to previous movies, see above;
- Chase scene – I wonder how many people left the movie and immediately got speeding tickets (or ran blinking red lights…) That said, I wonder how may people put Vanishing Point in their Netflix queues?

Could it be that Grindhouse was Robert & Quentin’s version of the Chick Flick?

Holy Shit

This is the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen. I have seen the face of evil.