The Virgin Witch (1972)

There isn't too much I can say about this film that Edgar Wright hasn't already said about it (at length) here but I'll try.

First of all, this movie scores a George right out of the gate: quite literally in the very first frame of actual movie footage. Blam! Bewbs! A second George for laughs may as well be awarded in the next few seconds, as the opening credits are so humorously spattered with campy shocked expressions on nude actresses that you can't help but laugh. I'll admit that I was hooked from the start, and set about trying to organize a Dudes viewing as soon as I could. (Thank you, The Jesus, ever so much for bringing this film's existence to my attention!)

Secondly, it is worth noting that Edgar admittedly has a fondness for inflicting "bad" films like this one on groups of friends. As someone who has scared away too many of Maude's friends in the past for doing just the same, I'm not about to cast any stones in that direction; rather, I'd go so far to say that this is the only way to properly enjoy this film. Without a group of friends to laugh at the many unintentionally funny moments, you may find yourself somewhat ashamed to be spending 88 minutes alone with Ann Michelle's naked seventies boobs on your television screen. Or not. Depends on who you are, I suppose.

Edgar pointed out that many of the actors appearing nude should not have. It was just such a scene (the ritual in the final reel) that drove Maude out of the viewing room. As a matter of fact, I think it was this dude who did the trick:



On the other hand, if I had grown up (as I suppose Edgar did) watching Vicki Michelle in countless BBC reruns of 'Allo 'Allo then I'd be scouring the internet trying to get my hands on this film. For an American teenage boy today it would be akin to discovering that Keri Russell appeared fully naked for gratuitous amounts of screen time in a seedy "Rosemary's Baby" ripoff.

Although it has been pointed out elsewhere that the sisters portrayed in the film are, in fact, real-life sisters (Ann and Vicki Michelle) I haven't seen any mention of a rather taboo moment between them. As we all know from films like Satan's Blood, you can't have an occult ritual without rubbing down a naked female with some form of lubricant. To prepare her sister for initiation into the coven, Ann Michelle makes sure that Vicki gets her left breast adequately lubed up for the occasion. Perhaps if I were a gal I'd think nothing of rubbing tanning lotion all over my sister's breasts while vacationing at some European beach... but as a guy I can't help but think this movie moment was pretty damn pervy. Chalk it up to the perverse powers of Skull Butter, I suppose.



The Virgin Witch does indeed entertain, but the only scares came from seeing creepy grandpa up there in the buff. Although seeing this in 1972 was probably much more shocking to the average Joe than it is for a Dude of Horror in 2009, in a modern context it is just plain silly. Aside from the laughs and the flesh-fest there simply wasn't anything else present to boost my rating above 2.5 Georges. Karl, who watched this film with me from a remote location in our beta testing of "Remoto", arrived at this same rating. Watch it with your friends, but follow it up with something truly frightening.