Jeff's Sinister Six

Hey! It's My One Hundredth Post! What better way to celebrate than to respond to the call for an official Dudes of Horror "top ten" list? As one sixth of the crew I would only be able to vouch for about one and two-thirds films (or one-point-666) if we were to attempt some manner of official consensus. Screw that. I'm just listing mine and I'll let them list theirs. That's how we do things around here!

Furthermore, you're not getting ten out of me! Instead, I'll make the assumption that six is a nice number to settle on for the genre at hand. These are my Six Sinister Selections and I don't give a George's Ass if you don't deem them "classic" enough- I like 'em! Here they are:

Return of the Living Dead
Pumpkinhead
Evil Dead II
The Abandoned
Janghwa, Hongryeon (aka "A Tale of Two Sisters")
The Vampire Lovers

If I had to program an emergency horror fest from my private collection of DVDs that showcased what I feel are some of the best out there, these Sinister Six would be in the forefront of my mind. Have I weighed every horror film I have ever seen against one another and then consulted a complex subjective matrix of requisite qualities to determine the winners? No. Neither did I draft a panel of notable blogosphere "experts" to vote and subsequently arrive at a list that anyone with a passing interest in horror could have constructed on their own. I just made a list, man. These are films I dig and have repeatedly enjoyed watching.

Six films are a lot to sit through in one go, so if I had to squeeze my selections into one day's viewing then either "The Abandoned" or "Two Sisters" would have to sit it out. These two selections tread on some similar ground in their presentations and I don't think either one would be done justice if it had to follow the other.

Once upon a time I proposed a daily programming formula to Karl for our beloved Hopoto festivals. Each slot had a distinct place in the evening and attempted to complement the arc of events as a fine wine complements a fine cheeseburger. Or something to that effect... Anyhow, if I applied this time-tested programming methodology to my Six Sinister Selections, the main night would work something like this:



We'd start off before dark with a somewhat accessible film that anyone breezing through the viewing room might enjoy. Something fun, yet substantial. An appetizer, if you will. "Return of the Living Dead" is some of the most fun I have ever had in horror. It also works well as an introduction to the genre for any uninitiated who may be in attendance. With scares, laughs, boobs, gross outs, and a new take on an old tale, this film pretty much has it all covered.

Once the initiation had taken place, we'd move further into the dark haunted woods of horror. With the sun now set, the tone could now likewise transit from light to dark as horror fans supplant horror groupies and ready themselves for action. A solid film with atmosphere and story is required... but not necessarily something that demands your undivided attention. After all, you still have plenty of partying to do and the crowd could very well be noisy and over-jubilant. No need to be a Nazi... yet.



"Pumpkinhead" certainly takes more than a few steps into haunted woods. This oft-overlooked gem of a film is serious in tone and hefty on the creature effects, being a pet project of veteran creature-creator Stan Winston. Although it eventually (and briefly) sort of lapses into the tired eighties serial killer routine, the ride is creepy and fun to watch. This is absolutely one of my favorites if only for the atmosphere of the witch's shack and the pumpkin patch. To me, it screams Halloween. Light a bunch of candles and eat candy when you watch it.



The third film is meant for the hardcore. This is the showpiece- the bearer of high expectations by a discriminating audience of horrorphiles. No sissy films will be tolerated here, and the audience is asked to be attentive. Loud films- and especially those with quality sound presentations- belong in this slot. That being said, it's hard to find a better candidate than "Evil Dead II." Having the distinction of carrying the only Full George rating yet at The Dudes of Horror, it demands your full attention and won't disappoint!

The fourth film is in a unique position: it aims to please hardcore (and still awake) attendees who want more horror goodness but at the same time hopes to settle the senses somewhat as sleep approaches. As if those requirements weren't difficult enough, it additionally must face the reality that whichever viewers haven't already passed out yet are probably about to. A proper selection for this slot is one which is heavy on imagery over narrative. Such a film stands a better chance of conveying its content to those folks who find themselves consciousness impaired.



Out of my six selections, "The Abandoned" would fare the best here. Lulling you into a dreamlike state with its wonderful scoring and ghostly imagery this movie can deliver the horror goodies regardless of whether you are following its twisted storyline. In my opinion it was the best film exhibited during the original "8 Films to Die For" event and remains a solid contender in the much larger world of horror.

In the final programming slot, a quieter and more visually pleasing (read "lots of skin") film is placed for brief viewing in between tossing and turning sleepily on the couch. You don't want this selection to have the potential to scare the living shit out of you if you quickly wake up from a nightmare that was already scaring the living shit out of you. This is where the "Po" in "Hopoto" (aka the HOrror POrnaThOn) would generally find itself, but this is also where "The Vampire Lovers" finds itself in my programme of horror film favorites.



This Hammer Film is wonderful to wake up to and pleasantly conducive to falling right back asleep again. Although The Virgin Witch has much greater potential to deliver the bare necessities to sleepy-eyed patrons, "The Vampire Lovers" is by far the superior presentation. A large castle containing large... assets... and more period costumes than you can shake a stake at. Just the kind of thing you'd naturally encounter on late-night television in times of yore, without the edits and commercials.



Attentive readers will note that I haven't yet placed "A Tale of Two Sisters". Aha! This film properly belongs in the middle slot where it was effortlessly usurped by the Evil Dead. Its complex plot and masterful Dolby Digital EX soundtrack demand center stage and its subtitles certainly require an attentive audience. If the screenings of my six films could take place over two nights, it would be center stage during one of them. I would refrain from screening this film during the same session as "The Abandoned" because it also relies on atmosphere and runs nearly two hours long. The running time is well worth it, though. A lush production and deep plot matched with superior scenes of horror make it a feast for the true aficionado.

So there's my list and I can finally get some sleep. Perhaps I'll queue up that Hammer Film...